Brooke Obie Says Time’s Up on Men Telling Single Women How to Deserve Marriage

From The Root:

The straights are at it again.

Over the weekend, singer Ciara caused an internet stir when she posted on Instagram a clip from a sermon by Houston’s Lakewood megachurch pastor John Gray telling single women why they’re not married.


“Too many women want to be married but you’re walking in the spirit of ‘girlfriend,’” Pastor Gray said.

After playfully imitating the pain of women who come to him upset because they’ve been doing everything “right” but still aren’t married, he blamed Scripture for this advice he gave:

“Here’s what the Scripture says: He that finds a wife finds a good thing. … You’re not a wife when I marry you, you’re a wife when I find you,” he said, adding his own interpretation to Proverbs 18:22.

“A ‘wife’ is not the presence of a ring, it’s the presence of your character,” he said. “Ask the Lord to deliver you from that spirit [of ‘girlfriend’], and carry yourself like you’re already taken, and I promise you, when you carry yourself like a wife, a husband will find you.”

Sweet Jesus.

Ciara rightfully got dragged for sharing this video and adding the caption, “#LevelUp,” at that. If she didn’t know that it’s bad form to shame single women for not being married—like she herself was only a few years ago—and to suggest that being married is on a higher plane of existence, she learned Sunday.

And there is still a conversation to be had about women internalizing and perpetuating sexism. But since CiCi went on to explain on Instagram that what she meant by “#LevelUp” was that it came not in the form of a husband but in the form of finding self-love in God (sure, Jan!), I’ll save that convo for another day.

Men—and especially pastors—we need to talk.

Read the rest at The Root.



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